Little victories add up to big victories.

I'm in the process of becoming a better person.

Not that I'm a bad person. But, you know. Everyone can be better, and I definitely have my weaknesses. For example, I have this problem with procrastination, and I don't just mean doing homework before the night before. I usually wait until it's almost unacceptable to return a phone call (unless it's really important). I put off going to the gym until the evening hours. Whenever someone recommends a book to me, I usually wait like, weeks to read it. Sometimes I wait years, and then they feel bad because I didn't take the time to read it, and then I feel bad and embarrassed because they feel bad. (True story.) I just don't like doing what I'm supposed to. I don't even know what it is. I suppose I'm human, because I feel like I'm not even the least bit unique.

Anyway, I have flaws. I'm not doing the whole Franklin-road-to-perfection thing because that is obviously impossible. But I thought about how I can change, and I just wish I could be better already. I wish that the things I don't like about myself could just... disappear. Without a trace or a hope of coming back. Life, however, does not work like that. We have the take the hard way almost always.

So I know this. I'm aware that things take time, and changing habits takes a lot of time. Why, then, do I feel like I'm a failure when I don't do my homework a month before? Why is it that I think I'm a bad friend when I don't call my family once a week? Why do I feel awful when I don't update this blog everyday? Obviously, these questions are a setup, and I do indeed have an answer.

When we're trying to fix something about ourselves, all we can see are our flaws. We see the things we've done in the past that were so awful. Or we see the things we do now that continue our patterns. But, I'm telling you friends, you can change. You can turn in that homework a week before. It just takes time.

Instead of counting all of the ways in which I've failed at becoming a better person, I've decided to count all of the ways in which I am becoming a better person. I like to call them my little victories. For example, instead of being all down on the fact that I didn't finish my homework until three hours before it was due this weekend, I look at the fact that I started it a day before. True, I only read a few paragraphs of a 28 page article, but I didn't leave all of it for Monday night. And, today, right now in fact, I'm at the library in an attempt to write a rough draft two days before it's due. I may be writing this blog post instead, but I think you see where I'm going with this.

Five little victories for the week:

• I didn't buy that dress, even though it was 70% off. 
• I drank a whole bottle of my water bottle on a weekend day. (I hate water, by the way.)
• I smiled at someone I don't really like. 
• I packed a lunch and went to the library instead of taking a nap. 
• I didn't watch another episode of How I Met Your Mother and instead went to bed three full minutes before midnight. 

All of those things separately don't really amount to much. I mean, what's another 20 minutes of TV, right? By not watching that episode, it makes it easier to go a day without watching Netflix. Then, it's two days. Then, it's a week. Pretty soon, Netflix isn't even a temptation. Now, I know that habits come and go. I'm sure that there'll be plenty of times in my life when I spend too much or I watch much more TV than is healthy. And I certainly haven't had my last all-nighter when it comes to school. But by making little choices now, I've created a mindset for myself. All of those little victories may someday add up to a big, life-changing victory. Your little victories will add up to something that you can be proud of: a better you.

cheers,
ka.