Hello, sunshine!

Why hello, warm weather. It's so nice to see you!

If you readers haven't been able to tell, my life has taken a busy turn.
The only way anyone would be able to tell is if they noticed that I haven't posted anything since February. If any of you readers are in that boat, thank you for reading my little corner of the Internet! I appreciate your readership and hope that you're still with me.

I'm a college student. Not only am I a college student, but also I'm an over-achieving college student. This semester, I bit off much more than I'm used to chewing. Thus, blogging made it to the lower-reaches of my priority list. I barely had time to eat, sleep, and stay sane in between all of the writing, reading, and attending class. Luckily, the semester is over. However, there is no rest for the wicked. I'm starting my three summer classes tomorrow. Only one of them is on the actual campus, and it only lasts a week. My other two are online, and they will last until August. There are other tentative plans in the works, but we'll cross those when my summer is a little more solidified.

Updates for those interested (in no particular order):

1. I changed my major from Education to Literary Studies. My minor is still political science. I'm still interested in education, but I honestly think that I would be able to do more on a larger scale by acting as a voice for education rather than a voice within the system. I still may go into teaching, but my goal is to be some sort of policy writer or other kind of writer. Perhaps I will become a blogger for real. We'll cross that bridge when school is over. Which leads me to the exciting news that...
2. I am 100% on track to graduate in Spring 2014. Seriously. And...
3. This is Josh:

He's my boyfriend, and he's pretty awesome. :)
He graduated with two bachelor's degrees (International Studies and Economics) on Saturday.

My life is pretty awesome right now. Regardless of how stressed I was during this last semester, I had some pretty fantastic things happen. I won scholarship money, I'm on track with some really cool research, I feel like I have a good reputation in my department, I'm going to graduate a full year earlier than I thought, I have potential opportunities to present and/or publish my research in the next year, and I have a pretty solid foundation for my thesis.

In the personal department, I'm just really happy. Sometimes, with heart-breaking decisions come blessings beyond compare, and that's what I'm experiencing right now. This boy helps my happiness. Sometimes we take cute pictures, and it only increases my affection.

Hello, success. 

Hello, confidence. 

Hello, healing. 

Hello, happiness. 

Hello, new life. 

Hello, sunshine. Thanks for illuminating my path. 

cheers,

ka.  

p.s. do you remember that guy who told me to have fun on a Friday night, the one from one of my political science classes who told me to slow down? He and Josh are one and the same. :) 

Slow it down.

It recently came to my attention that I have a tendency to race through life. Let's face it--I'm a worrier. I worry about school and family and friends and love and the weather and my health and undergraduate research and whether or not I'm good enough to get a grant and whether or not I'm going to be something in my college career and whether or not I'm reading enough and whether or not I watch too much TV and whether or not I'm in the right career path and...

You get the picture.

My biggest worry is that I am what I hate: a fraud. I do all these things, and people tell me that I work so hard, but sometimes I worry that I'm not working hard enough. I worry that I'm not smart enough to get all the praise that I do or to receive the grades that I do.

I know that I am not the only person out there who worries. You see, it's like a sickness that spreads through your mind and makes it impossible to slow down. I have to keep going, and when I don't, I feel incredibly guilty.

I was talking to a guy in one of my classes the other day. He was going to a free concert with some of his friends and wondered if I was gonna go, and I said that I had too much homework. Then he just laughed and told me that I should never be too busy to have some fun on a Friday night. However, I stayed home and did my Spanish homework (and watched Netflix).

Not too long after that, I found this picture:

In one of my political science classes, we talked a little bit about work hours and how they coincide with productivity. Amazingly, in countries like France, where people only work 35 hours a week, the productivity was the same as people in countries like Japan, where people work 80+ hours a week. What does that mean? It means that when you have a little fun, the work somehow is better as well.

I know that I work hard. I don't know if I work hard enough for my standards, but that shouldn't matter. When I die, do I want to look back on my life and think Man, I sure worked hard, or do I want to think Man, I made some good memories with my friends and family? I think it can be both. I like working hard--it makes me feel good. But I need to remember that working too hard and worrying too much will just make me rush through the life that I'm supposed to live.

Make time for work, make time for play. Believe me, you need both of them.

cheers,
ka.

Kindness has changed my life.

I'm pretty religious. I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and I love it. In case you've never heard of my church, we are commonly referred to as "Mormons".

I mean, I've been raised a Mormon, so I don't know what it's like to be in any other religion. However, don't think for one second that I only stayed a Mormon because of my upbringing. I don't usually get too preachy on this blog, but I just feel so strongly about this. I'm not trying to convert you. I'm just being honest about my life. So, if you want to read about something good, then please read on.

Being alone is lonely. I know that's not exactly a new concept, but sometimes we forget that, I think. There is nothing that can get me down faster than being alone when I'm feeling lonely. Don't get me wrong, I like my alone time. I'm what they call an introvert. But being alone when I already feel lonely is.. well.. lonely. And hard. And heart-breaking.

There is one person who knows exactly how I feel always, and He doesn't live on earth. Well, His body doesn't. But He never lets me be alone, and that's one of the most important reasons why I fervently believe in Him. It's not a crutch, it's not a figment of my imagination or creativity, it's real. Somehow, whenever I feel like there's not possibly a way for my life to implode even further, it does. I feel like the realities I've set come crashing down. But He is always there to hold my hand. He is always there to envelope me with His love. And then, when I'm ready, He is there to help me pick up the pieces.

This song changed my life. Listen to it. Even if you don't believe, there is meaning in it. Bad things happen to everyone--that's life, man. But they only last a moment, and then there are people there to make you feel whole again.

"Though thine afflictions seem
At times too great to bear
I know thine every thought and every care
And though the very jaws of hell gape after thee
I am with thee
And with everlasting mercy will I succor thee
And with healing will I take thee 'neath my wings
Though the mountains shall depart
And the hills shall be removed
And the valleys shall be lost beneath the sea
Know my child
My kindness shall not depart from thee"



cheers,
ka.

It's a good day.

Little victories:

1. I went to the gym. Only once, and only for a half hour, but I went. 
2. I went to my classes when I was sorely tempted to stay in bed. 
3. I didn't get mad when I could have. 
4. I read my scriptures every day this week, even if it was only a couple verses. 
5. I read a chapter and took a quiz online two days before I had to. 

I haven't had the best week. There has been a lot of stress at school, and sometimes I just don't know if I can handle it. However, I came across this picture:

No matter what, you can always find something wrong with your life. You can always choose to make it a bad day. But every day can be a good one. There are some things that you can't ignore, but right now is the time to make it a good day regardless. That's my philosophy for the semester. 

cheers, 

ka. 

Little victories add up to big victories.

I'm in the process of becoming a better person.

Not that I'm a bad person. But, you know. Everyone can be better, and I definitely have my weaknesses. For example, I have this problem with procrastination, and I don't just mean doing homework before the night before. I usually wait until it's almost unacceptable to return a phone call (unless it's really important). I put off going to the gym until the evening hours. Whenever someone recommends a book to me, I usually wait like, weeks to read it. Sometimes I wait years, and then they feel bad because I didn't take the time to read it, and then I feel bad and embarrassed because they feel bad. (True story.) I just don't like doing what I'm supposed to. I don't even know what it is. I suppose I'm human, because I feel like I'm not even the least bit unique.

Anyway, I have flaws. I'm not doing the whole Franklin-road-to-perfection thing because that is obviously impossible. But I thought about how I can change, and I just wish I could be better already. I wish that the things I don't like about myself could just... disappear. Without a trace or a hope of coming back. Life, however, does not work like that. We have the take the hard way almost always.

So I know this. I'm aware that things take time, and changing habits takes a lot of time. Why, then, do I feel like I'm a failure when I don't do my homework a month before? Why is it that I think I'm a bad friend when I don't call my family once a week? Why do I feel awful when I don't update this blog everyday? Obviously, these questions are a setup, and I do indeed have an answer.

When we're trying to fix something about ourselves, all we can see are our flaws. We see the things we've done in the past that were so awful. Or we see the things we do now that continue our patterns. But, I'm telling you friends, you can change. You can turn in that homework a week before. It just takes time.

Instead of counting all of the ways in which I've failed at becoming a better person, I've decided to count all of the ways in which I am becoming a better person. I like to call them my little victories. For example, instead of being all down on the fact that I didn't finish my homework until three hours before it was due this weekend, I look at the fact that I started it a day before. True, I only read a few paragraphs of a 28 page article, but I didn't leave all of it for Monday night. And, today, right now in fact, I'm at the library in an attempt to write a rough draft two days before it's due. I may be writing this blog post instead, but I think you see where I'm going with this.

Five little victories for the week:

• I didn't buy that dress, even though it was 70% off. 
• I drank a whole bottle of my water bottle on a weekend day. (I hate water, by the way.)
• I smiled at someone I don't really like. 
• I packed a lunch and went to the library instead of taking a nap. 
• I didn't watch another episode of How I Met Your Mother and instead went to bed three full minutes before midnight. 

All of those things separately don't really amount to much. I mean, what's another 20 minutes of TV, right? By not watching that episode, it makes it easier to go a day without watching Netflix. Then, it's two days. Then, it's a week. Pretty soon, Netflix isn't even a temptation. Now, I know that habits come and go. I'm sure that there'll be plenty of times in my life when I spend too much or I watch much more TV than is healthy. And I certainly haven't had my last all-nighter when it comes to school. But by making little choices now, I've created a mindset for myself. All of those little victories may someday add up to a big, life-changing victory. Your little victories will add up to something that you can be proud of: a better you.

cheers,
ka.

I read a book: number one.

Here I am, fulfilling my resolutions a little bit at a time. I'm writing a blog post for this week, and I'm writing about the first book I read outside of school this year: Ella Minnow Pea, by Mark Dunn.

It's a rather quirky book about dictatorship societies and what would happen if we weren't allowed to use certain letters of the alphabet. The short answer: chaos, hardship, and a few laughs along the way. It's short, sweet, and to the point. Mark Dunn has my respect for such a clever read. Here's my favorite quote from the novel (when talking about the passionate chaos that is language):

"Words upon words, piled high, toppling over, thoughts popping, correspondence and conversation overflowing" 

I'm in a young adult literature class this semester, and we've been talking about the stages of literary appreciation this week. It's so interesting to look at a chart and have it explain everything about reading that you never knew you never knew (if that makes any sense). Basically, they break it down into ages and reasons for reading. Getting lost in a story, finding your identity, exploring the world, aesthetic appreciation... Reading can do so many amazing things for many different kinds of people. Reading fiction, especially, opens up a new perspective. There's just something about connecting with a character and following that character through times of trials and times of happiness that provides meaning in a way that non-fiction usually can't. For that reason, it makes me sad that this (http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/11/22/what-should-children-read/) is happening.

Read it. I'll talk about it a little later. Just remember: I'm studying to be an English teacher.

cheers,
ka.

These are my plans and dreams for 2013.

I have big plans for myself. I'm not entirely sure what they are, though.
You know, I guess I mostly just have big expectations. I want to be a certain kind of person.

I'm 20 years old--the beginning of the prime of my life. Now is the time to think about what I really want, and now is the time achieve whatever that is, one goal at a time.

1. Read 100 books (that I didn't have to read for school).
2. Run a total of 75 miles. 
3. Call my family at least twice a month. 
4. Learn Claire de Lune. 
5. Write in this blog once a week. 
6. Revamp my journal writing. 
7. Have (and document) an adventure. 
8. Save all my money for something really cool. 
9. Do one nice thing every day. 
10. Do an anonymous act of service that may require some sacrifice. 

Reasons why these are my plans and dreams: 

1. I love to read, and I love being the kind of person who loves to read. I've kind of lost that in recent years. However, as my education continues, I realize how important it is for me to keep reading for fun. I also want to cut back on the TV watching for relax time. It's killing my mind. 
2. Last year, I was actually really good at working out. My resolution was to go to the gym once a week for six months, and I think I achieved that. This year, I may not work out quite as often as I did (for a while there, I worked out like five times a week for two hours), but I want to make it a habit again. I also want to train to run bigger things in the future, like a half marathon. This isn't really a huge amount for 365 days, but I it'll get me started in the right direction. 
3. I'm so bad at calling people. It's terrible. I miss my family, though, and I want to be included in their lives when I'm not at home. 
4. I love this song, and I've always wanted to learn in on the piano. I love playing the piano, but I'm not as good as I would like to be. I've been practicing more recently, though, and it has improved my skills a bit. I'm giving myself a year to complete a big project song like that. I want to prove that I'm not the same teenager who refused to practice when she did take lessons. I can finish something. 
5. I just need a writing outlet. My journal is more personal stuff, but this is more what I'm thinking about the world. I know it's not likely to happen, but I do enjoy writing in a blog, and I want to try to keep up with it. 
6. I've been lax on this in the recent months. I love writing in my journal, and it's really been having an effect, actually. When I don't vent things or write things down, I forget them and let them build up. I need that place again. 
7. I want to try something very new. Whether that adventure is out of the country or just out of the city, I want it to happen. I want to be the kind of person who experiences new things. Now is the time that I can. 
8. Right now, my money is just sitting in my bank account. I almost forget that I have it, and then I go kind of stir crazy and splurge on one or two items of cheap clothing. I want to have a purpose. I want to have a goal. I want to have a reason to save money. It might be a car, or a trip, or a fancy dress, I don't know. I will provide an update on that. 
9. My aunt gave me a little planner entitled "The Good Turn Diary" based on a Christmas book. Looking for ways to serve someone brings good things in your own, as well as others. I think it'll help me to not be so stressed all the time. 
10. I'm religious, as you would know if you read my introductions page. Along the same lines as #9, I think that doing service brings blessings and creates a better me. I've had huge things and little things done for me. But I want to be prayerful and find one person who I could really help this year. I don't know who it is, but I want to be there for them, whether they know it or not. 

So those are my plans and dreams. I don't know which ones will come to fruition, but I will try my hardest to see all of them happen. This year is one step closer to whatever it is I'm supposed to do with my life. I want to make it a positive step.

cheers,

ka.